An Open Letter to the Man of my Dreams

Dear Babe,

You flew to Taiwan today. What gives? You didn't even tell me.

And well, I broke up with you today before your flight. As if it even matters. You don't love me anymore and I don't know why.

You said you'll never leave and I've been through this one too many times and I told myself that I shouldn't believe you but I did. People shouldn't say stuff they don't mean and with that you broke my heart.

You broke my heart, Mr. Morales. I thought that being with an older, more sophisticated man would save me from heartache but it turns out, jerks come in all ages. But in spite of that and even though I'm saying it, deep in my heart I refuse to believe that you are a jerk.

I fought with the urge to break up with you a while ago. I wanted to hear your voice, say good bye and wish you well when you go and that i'll be waiting when you get back but if I didn't break up with you, I would regret it later. What's the use of hanging on to someone who wants to let go?

I love you babe, so much. And I wish that I could tell this to you right now but I wouldn't know how to reach you. And that's the whole point of breaking up with you today because if I broke up with you later and you didn't come after me, it would be devastating. At least in this set-up, I can believe that you're not coming after me because you can't.

But damn, you were so lucky to have someone like me. I'm beautiful and smart. I'm a great cook. And one of the most important traits I have is being understanding and compassionate. I understand that work and law school is important to you and I try not to throw a fit because you don't have time for me. You can't imagine what it's like trying to make myself believe that it's okay not seeing you. You can't imagine what it's like hurting because you can't make time for me, even if it's only for five seconds.

And I don't need you. I don't need anybody, not now and not ever. I've been through a lot of stuff on my own and you don't know what it's like dealing with all those. You don't know what it's like seeing your whole world crumble at your feet. And I have pulled through. I have had better days but this will pass. I'll get better. It'll get better. It has to.

I just want to feel like I'm actually your girlfriend. I want to take care of you. I want to bring you lunch while at work. I want to massage you after a long day. I want to be the first one you think about in the morning, the last one you think of before you go to sleep, and the one you dream about in between. I want to be the one you want to see after a bad day. I want to be the one you bitch to when things don't go your way. I want to be the one telling you that everything's going to be alright. I want to love you the proper and dreamy way. You just won't let me.

So I guess it is better that things are over. I love you. Take care even though I know you're okay. :'(

Love,
Your ex-girlfriend.